Why it's difficult

I really wanted this blog to be something fun to write for my daughter and I to look at and remember all the wonderful times we shared and I how much I love watching her grow and become her own person. After all she becomes more independent and curious with each passing day. However, things right now with her father and I are not as blissful. I promised myself I would be completely honest with no regrets so that's what I'm going to do. Sam and I are not right for each other. I truly believe that we are not meant to be together forever. I love Sam very dearly but it's becoming more and more difficult to try and see myself with him forever and to be happy. We have very little in common and constantly disagree which leads to arguments. He really is an amazing person but I'm at a point in my life where I really don't know how or what to think. The only solid and stable relationship I have right now is that between my daughter and I. It's so hard to imagine any kind of life there would have been if things hadn't played out the way they did. I give 110% of myself to her and I wouldn't have it any other way. I was watching a tv program the other evening where a very godly woman stated that her husband comes before her children. That completely blew my mind. My daughter will always come first up against anyone and everyone. Anyways, this blog has become a task I find difficult and unenjoyable. I suppose it's unenjoyable for everyone seeing as I have nobody acknowledging it.. I think I might have to put this project on the back burner until I have a healthier state of mind.

Girly girl

Isn't this the most precious thing you've ever laid eyes on?

tired of it.

sometimes I find myself questioning whether or not Sam and I should be together. He's hardworking and a good provider. He does little things to ensure Delia and I are comfortable and happy. But sometimes that just doesn't seem to be enough. Am I being selfish? We both have histories with depression however I have overcome these dark feelings. I'm starting to realize that Sam has not. And him beig so miserable and angry with the work has really effected our lives. This puts me in such an awful position, do I stay and continue to live in this environment with my daughter while he seeks help? Or do I leave until he has wherever is wrong with him fixed? What kind of partner would I be of I left him while he was at his weakest point? Am I a horrible mother if I stay and have my daughter around him? I can't talk to my family and my only close friend is at such a different point in her life right now that I doubt she could understand. Whatever I decided to do I know I must stay strong and positive for my daughter. However I'm not strong enough to fight my tears during the hour where everyone is peacefully sleeping. Emotionally I'm so tired. Exhausted really. I find myself slipping back to a time where things were so easy. Reliving my happiest moments from my past over and over again in my dreams. Delia is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and without her unconditional love I don't know where or who I would be today without her. Positive vibes would be much appreciated. I hope things are less stressful at your end.

Doctors visit

So today was miss Adelia's 15 month doctors visit and it went... Slowly. The day started with buckets of rain pouring from the sky. My good friend Lauren brought us there because Sam unfortunately had to work. Anyways, we ended up sitting and waiting for an hour. (as usual... Im and looking into finding a new pediatrician because the passed few visits have been just awful) does anyone have any tips on how to keep a little one that's into EVERYTHING occupied at the doctors? Because I have yet to master this. Then as soon as the nurse walking into the room, the waterworks start a flowing! But I do love finding how much growing my little flower has done. She weighs 22.8 lbs and is 31 inches long :) her head circumference is in the 80th percentile as well. This mama was very pleased to hear all this good news! We have a normal growing and developing baby as the doctor informs me. And judging by her 6 teeth I am told that we will be needing orthodontic work done. Yeesh. After the nightmarish vaccines we were off to lunch. Panera bread is a family favorite and when we're up in chesterfield there really isn't much of a question of where we'll eat. When all of our bellies could no longer handle anymore rich creamy delicious Mac and cheese, we made our way back home. Adelia slept the entire car ride and our day, overall was very successful. Tomorrow will be even more eventful because Lauren will be coming to stay with us for a few weeks and we love Lauren! Very excited :)

My little family and me :)

Improvement

My life as it is has lots of room for improvement. There are many things I would love to accomplish and change in my life. Now I'm not trying to say that I'm not happy with they way things are right now, but... I'm sure you all understand what I'm trying to say. Anywho, it's time for me to set short term goals.. An etsy account has been put in place for the numerous treasures found during many a thrifting adventures. Also believe it or not a girlfriend and I are quite the crafty pair and we'd love to see if anyone would be interested in our goodies! (not the Ciara kind, of course) Another goal of mine is to get a decent passing grade in my online math course. I've never been great in math, if anything I've been border line below average. I haven't even had to deal with any kind of arithmetic in about 2 years. (sigh) so it's extremely important that I prove to myself I can be a successful student. Ya know.. as well as a good mother, an efficient housewife, a caring nanny, a beloved sister and friend, a diligent "shop" owner, a handy crafter, an observant thrifter,a dutiful blogger, yadda yadda yadda. Okay so during my whole rant on wanting to better myself i lost sight of what I actually wanted to blog about. Ugh, maybe before I try and to anything, I should get my ADD under control. Well I hope I didn't waste anyones time. I've got a stinky diaper with my name on it! Have a great day everyone or anyone!



Ps maybe you have a goal you'd like I set for yourself? I'd love to hear about it! ....if theres anyone reading that is :)

Okay, okay...

So like I stated before.. This whole blog thing is new to me and it's been almost a month since my last post. I hope I can get better with this. So what has happened since then? Well let's see.. Christmas came.. and went just as quickly. We had four events to attend in two days so it was busy but very enjoyable. It was Adelias first real Christmas so she got to open all her presents (as well as everyone else's) all by herself. She was much more impressed with the wrapping paper and boxes than with the actual gifts :). unfortunately there has been and still is some tension between my brother and Sam so Delia and I went to my brothers house alone. It's such a shame that they couldnt have resolved their feud in time for the holidays. Especially for the sake of the children. But I mean there's not much I could have done to persuade them differently. After all I hate being in the middle of it anyways and I don't wish to involve myself anymore than I already am. But I guess thats an entirely different story for an entirely different day. After the excitement of Christmas, there was the new year. Does anyone believe that it's bad luck to have you Christmas tree up when the new year comes? Ive heard many people say that and I've never believed it. Actually I'm pretty sure my family and I have had our tree up for and after the new year every year of my life. Until this year. Not because of superstition but because it was our first year with our new house just the three of us and I don't think we took proper care of the tree and eventually our floor was completely consumed by sharp green pine needles. Okay enough with my boring rambling. Today is Martin Luther King Jr Day and Delia and I have the house to ourselves. We've spent the morning reading, eating fried eggs, brushing our teeth for thirty minutes (and by our I mean hers!), and loving on our cabbage patch kid. Now it's almost twelve which means it's almost lunch and then almost nap time :) I hope everyone has a great day :) now I'm going to try and figure out how to add pictures to the blog via my iPad. Does anyone know!? I'm such a n00b.